I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
