Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
im drinking this country out of the recession.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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