Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
