How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
