Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
