I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
