Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
