I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize