Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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