Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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