I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
