dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
