you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
