im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
