OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
