Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
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