I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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