I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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