So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
