You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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