True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
