Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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