A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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