You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
