my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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