You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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