a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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