I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
