last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
