I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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