Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
