I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
did i just pee glitter
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
