I'm so fucking centered right now
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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