zippers are such a cool invention
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
