maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
