Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
NoShamevember. You game?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
