): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
