and she was petting her beer can
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
