the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
