I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
