it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
she smelled like a LAN party
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
