you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
