we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
