the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
