dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
