so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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