I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
