i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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