We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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