my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
