Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
