Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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