Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
