Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
