it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
