Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
love makes seman taste better
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
