what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
