I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
