I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
