This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
