You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
So here I am, sexting at work.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
