Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
My hand turned me down
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
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Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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