You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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