Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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