True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
