I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
