Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
