either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
