Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
