Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
