How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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