Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
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drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
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I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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