Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
