Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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