I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
