She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
