WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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