Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
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