and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
